Impostor Syndrome and Exhaustion

Impostor Syndrome has been hitting me hard lately. Motivation and inspiration have both been in short supply, and getting words in my document has been a frustrating ordeal. I haven't finished a story in months, I've hardly been able to provide my Patreon patrons with anything interesting or worth the monthly dollar, and overall I'm feeling pretty annoyed at myself and my writing.

I am acquainted with a lot of authors who seem to have the same problems with perpetually low spoons that I do, and yet...they manage. They get work done. They have readers. They have new stories and new projects they seem to work on way more often than I get around to mine.

The best advice to myself I've had lately is that, well...it happens. Logically I know that it doesn't make me less of a writer, or worse of one. But boy does it sting in those moments I think about just how little I've accomplished so far this year, in comparison to the goals I set in December and January.

This isn't a post with advice, or inspiration, or the story of How I Overcame Impostor Syndrome and Creative Burnout. I'm not really sure what it is, other than some attempt to get my thoughts out, and show other people in my same situation that they're not alone, even if it feels like it.

The feeling that I'm Not Good Enough and I'm Wasting My Time is so goddamn hard to deal with some days. There are times I legitimately want to give it up and just accept that I'm never going to be the writer I want to be. But I never do, because I'd hate myself far more if I actually did give up than if I tried my hardest and still never achieved my goals.

I'm young. I'm trying. And even if all I can do is crap out a mediocre sentence, well...at least it's something. I'll get there eventually, and even if I don't, at least nobody can say I never gave it my best shot.

Today I wrote a little over 500 new words, some on an original story and some on a fanfic. That's 500 words I can go back to and polish when I'm feeling a little better. Maybe tomorrow, maybe next week, but at least they're written. That's 500 more words than I had this morning.

I guess the point of this post is to say that every word is a victory, even if it's a word you're not entirely confident doesn't suck. Bang out some words where you can, and let yourself remember that you're allowed to suck. You'll get better.

Are you listening, self? You're allowed to suck. You'll get better.

Now forgive yourself for all the days you didn't write, and celebrate each day you do. A wordless day isn't a failure, but each little word counts as a victory.

I've had 500 victories today. Maybe I'll have some more tomorrow. But even if I don't, that doesn't take away the 500 from today.

Until next time,
Jenn.