One of the discussion questions centered around what kind of stories, topics, and themes the participants would like to see become more common in queer SFF. I posted multiple things, but, in particular, it was this one that came back to bite me:
"I would LOVE to see more queerplatonic relationships in fiction. People crap all over them, but they're important. #queerspec" [permalink]
I woke up this morning (er, afternoon) and checked Twitter to discover someone, who I have since blocked and whose tweets I can no longer access, was taking my tweet to mean that I believe gay romance doesn't matter and I think queerplatonic relationships are more highly stigmatized than sexual queer relationships. I was then accused of internalized homophobia and told that I am not allowed to use the word "queer."
A tip: that is not what I meant, and I can damn well use the word queer if I please.
I was accused of saying that gay sex isn't stigmatized and therefore shouldn't be represented, when what I simply said was that I'd like to see more representation of queerplatonic relationships. Queerplatonic relationships, or QPRs, are often stigmatized both outside and inside the queer community. They are a relationship style common among asexuals and aromantics, who constantly face harassment and exclusionary gatekeeping. Aspec people deserve to see our relationships represented as much as anyone else.
This spiked a conversation with a few other, wholly delightful, folks on Twitter that boiled down to, "representation is not a zero-sum game." People writing about QPRs does not take away from people writing about sexual and romantic queer relationships in the slightest.
Writing autistic characters doesn't mean that nobody can write characters with ADHD. Writing bisexual characters doesn't take away from stories about lesbians. Writing stories with Latinx characters doesn't take away the importance of writing stories with Black characters. Etc. All of these groups deserve positive representation.
Positive representation of one group doesn't take away from positive representation of another (assuming, of course, that the positive representation of one does not come coupled with hurtful representation or erasure of another--but that's an issue that deserves its own post).
If I am not portraying romantic and sexual queer relationships in a negative light, or pretending that they don't exist, there is no harm, and in fact is a lot of good, in me positively portraying queerplatonic relationships. Aspec people seeing ourselves in fiction is not taking away from allosexual and alloromantic queer representation.
So please, write queer romantic and sexual relationships. We need them desperately. Write them, share them, tell me about them so that I can share them, too.
But don't tell me that I don't deserve to see myself represented.
Don't tell me that seeing myself somehow means I'm keeping you from seeing yourself.
There is room for us all to be represented, and I will gladly stand beside you and help you boost your representation right alongside mine.
Because it's not a zero-sum game.
Until next time,
Jenn.
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